


The Flight of Icarus

by GeorgiesLeftArm



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:14:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeorgiesLeftArm/pseuds/GeorgiesLeftArm
Summary: It was only a matter of time until it all came crashing down around Richie. You can only play with fire for so long before someone gets burned. He could only hope that his decisions would not hurt anyone in the end. But then it comes down to that one question, just how close can you fly toward the sun before losing it all? Richie never meant for it to get this complicated and he risked losing everything over a fling he could not seem to let go.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 4





	1. Look Who's Digging Their Own Grave

**Author's Note:**

> I've come to realize just how mean I am to Richie in anything I write but hey, angst. Welcome to the shitshow of emotions. I suck at summaries so just read and find out what happens next.  
> Shout out to my best friend and main homie for helping me proofread 11/10 friend right there folks

It was never supposed to go on for this long. Richie knew it was wrong but in a way he thrived off the constant sneaking around. It made him feel..young again. He told himself it was just one night. Excused the actions as a meaningless search for affection while Eddie was recovering. Almost as though any sort of physical touch would take his mind off the thought of almost losing him. Of being the reason _why_ Eddie almost died in the first place. Richie needed out of his mind and Bill was there with open arms to provide that comfort. What turned from crying over a few beers turned into cuddling with many more. Richie didn’t go home that night. Instead he woke up with a pounding behind his eyelids, wrapped in Bill’s arms. That was over a year ago and here he was yet again in bed with their best friend for the fifth time that month. All things considered life had gotten back to pretty much normal after everything. Eddie moved in with Richie in the city and took his time getting better, more than happy to play the stay at home role while Richie pursued his career. Something he wasn’t going to go back to until Eddie practically kicked his ass for being an idiot who, “-better not waste your talent, Trashmouth. Even if you don’t write your own jokes.” Richie smiled a bit at the memory, staring at the ceiling as Bill slept soundly against his side. He couldn’t understand how Bill could sleep so peacefully when what they were doing was so ungodly wrong. He wondered if it ever crossed Bill’s mind just how bad it was. Not only was Richie cheating on Eddie but with _their_ best friend. It would be so much easier if it were just some random person from the bar just one time. Not the person they both considered to be family. How could anyone carry that burden and guilt and sleep just fine at night? It was then Richie’s mind drifted back to the ceiling above them. Of all things in a hotel room he doubts they clean the ceiling. I mean who cleans a ceiling right? Eddie does. He chuckled softly to himself at the memory of walking into their apartment one night to find Eddie standing on their kitchen counter in nothing but a showercap and booty shorts dancing to Playing with the Boys while he scrubbed at the ceiling.   
  
_“Don’t laugh at me! Think of all the germs that accumulate on these surfaces. Have you ever once cleaned up here? God Rich, look how dirty!” Eddie exclaimed, slightly exasperated as he threw the dirty sponge at Richie’s head. “We could be breathing in mold spores or something!” He huffed as he put his hands on his hips, shooting a glare when his boyfriend started laughing at him._ _  
__“Hey, who am I to argue with Mr. Clean.” Richie teased as he threw the sponge back at Eddie, moving over towards the counter as he set his bag down. “Clean the ceiling whenever you want, Babe. I’m enjoying the view. Almost as appealing as Tom Cruise shirtless playing volleyball.”_   
  
What did Bill go home to? Richie had a loving boyfriend waiting for him every night, who did Bill have? They all lost something just last year but he never considered just how badly Stanley’s death had affected Bill. Sure, they all were affected by Stan’s untimely passing but they grieved and slowly moved on. Or at least tried to. All except for Bill who refused to even speak of their old friend anymore. Everyone knew the pair had something going on behind closed doors when they all were teenagers, but no one ever said anything. It was obvious though. Almost as obvious as Richie and Eddie had been. You can only steal so many side eye glances and shared giggles before people begin to catch on. Of course it was also something Bill refused to talk about. The one thing other than Georgie he will ever get mad about if anyone were to bring up. Richie tried once a while back and that ended with Bill storming out and not talking to any of their group for nearly a month. Everyone was confused but it wasn’t like Richie could tell them why Bill was acting out. Because if he did that would mean telling them that instead of staying late at work that night, like he told Eddie, he would have to reveal that he had actually been with Bill. That he was the reason he got mad in the first place. Richie sighed as he slowly untangled himself from Bill, moving to sit up and grab his glasses from the nightstand. He stayed there for a moment as his eyes adjusted to the dark room before slipping out of bed. Richie moved around the room as silently as he could to gather his clothes and belongings, freezing when he heard Bill stirring behind him.   
“Rich? What are you doing? Are you okay?” Richie didn’t move when he heard Bill’s sleepy voice, afraid that if he moved he would somehow be caught in some sort of betraying act. He sighed as he straightened up, turning around to look at Bill as he covered himself with his jeans. “I- Um..I really..really should be getting back to Eddie I mean..He doesn’t like to be left alone overnight, you know. Nightmares and all.” Richie lied softly as he hung his head, not wanting to face the sadness that would most likely wash over Bill’s features. The room grew much too silent after his words. The tension that had always been there suddenly suffocating before Bill finally spoke up again.  
“Right, of course yeah..you should be with him.” Bill didn’t say anything else as he laid back down, pulling the covers over his head. He always knew deep down no matter what happened between them on their secret encounters Richie would always go back to Eddie. No matter the circumstance. The ever hopeful side of Bill still clung onto the thought that maybe for just one night Richie would stay and each time he left it hurt just a little more inside to watch him go.  
Richie hesitated for a moment before slowly moving to sit back down on the edge of the bed, focusing again on the ceiling rather than the warm body laying behind him. “Bill..I don’t know what you want me to say.”  
“Rich, please save us both the trouble. I know where I stand and where I will always stand. I am completely content to remain your dirty little secret.” Bill spat softly from his confines beneath the covers. Richie winced slightly at the venomous tone, heart breaking now in his chest for a totally different reason. He stayed still and silent for what felt like an eternity before finally standing. “I’ll call you later today.” Richie spoke quickly before slipping back into his clothes and exiting the hotel room before the other could say anymore.  
  
The drive back to his apartment was spent sitting in silence. Guilt and remorse hanging over him like a dark cloud. The same deep gut feeling Richie got after every single secret encounter he had with their best friend. That same guilt that had been brewing for months began to weigh much too heavy on Richie’s mind and heart. That feeling only got worse once he entered his apartment to a little love note left on the counter from Eddie.  
  
_“My idiot Trashmouth,_ _  
_ _I tried to stay up for you but had to take my nightly meds which, as you know, make me pass out much too quickly. I hope work wasn’t too bad and cannot wait to hear the rough draft of your next special in the morning. You have been working so hard and so late these last few weeks and I want you to know how proud I am of you. I love you forever and always. I have a plate saved in the fridge for you. Heat it up in the oven at 350 for ten minutes. You read that, Richie? 350. TEN MINUTES. Do not wake me up to a house fire like the last time. I love you,_ _  
__E.”_

Richie let out a soft sob as he slowly slid down to the floor the note clutched closely to his chest. He didn’t deserve Eddie. He was so good to him and here he was behind his back cheating on him. It was never supposed to get to this point. It was supposed to be a one time affair. Eddie was more than enough for Richie. He has been in love with him since he was 13 years old and often fantasized of the life they once might share together. So why does he keep going back to Bill when he has all he could ever want or need right here? It took almost ten minutes for Richie to finally gather himself and calm down before he slowly stood, setting the note back down on the counter. Richie walked down the dark hallway to their bedroom, gently opening the door to peer into Eddie’s sleeping form for a moment. He smiled at him as he slowly walked further into the room, closing the door behind him. Richie took his jeans off before moving into bed next to his boyfriend, nuzzling his neck gently. “Hi baby..I’m sorry for being so late again..” He whispered as he placed a soft kiss to Eddie’s pulse point, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend as he began to stir.   
“Mmm, hi Richie..” Eddie whispered as a small smile crept onto his face when he felt Richie’s arms wrap around him so carefully. “You know, I’m not a piece of glass. I won’t break.” Eddie teased softly, smiling more at Richie’s chuckle. “Oh I know. Just like how soft you are and I didn’t want to disturb you too much.” Richie hummed as he sat up a bit to look down at Eddie who was now waking up. “I’m sorry to wake you but you just looked so adorable..had to let you know.” Richie carefully pushed a few stray hairs out of Eddie’s face, cupping his cheek gently before leaning down to kiss him. “I’m sorry for being so late.. I think I am onto something big.” He whispered ever so softly against Eddie’s lips before pulling away completely to settle back down next to him, finally feeling fully at home and safe knowing Eddie was nestled against his chest.    
“Just so long as you come home to me every night that’s all that matters to me, Rich. You know that. I must admit in a way I was worried I might be too much baggage..that you would find someone better and be happier with someone who wasn’t an emotional wreck..” Eddie paused before jostling their position, sitting up to look down at Richie. “But I know deep down I am the one you love. And I know I am a handful and I am forever thankful for your love..” He whispered before slowly moving to pull Richie’s glasses off of his face. “And if it weren’t for me your dumbass would fall asleep with these on your face,” He chuckled as he stretched to set them down on the nightstand closest to Richie’s side before making himself comfortable again in his boyfriend's embrace.    
And there it was. The words that cut Richie deeper than any knife could. He felt himself tense up a bit, feeling as though the air had been punched right out of him. “Eds..I..” He stopped talking when he felt Eddie’s fingers come up to rest on his lips, looking down at the blurry form that was his ever loving boyfriend. “Stop talking. It’s late so we can talk more tomorrow.” Eddie whispered with his eyes closed before slowly retracting his hand from Richie’s face. “Love you..” Eddie got out mid-yawn before burying his face against Richie’s chest.   
And for a second time that night in under an hour Richie was left to stare at the ceiling and contemplate all of his life decisions. “Did you clean this ceiling too, Eds?” He wondered out loud before looking back down at the snoring man tucked safely into his side, a sad smile on his face as he leaned down to kiss his forehead. “Sleep well, Eds. We can talk tomorrow.” 


	2. Nothing's Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie knew Richie had been working so hard and was stressed so that's what he blamed the distance growing between them on. He knew Richie loved him and he had no reason to doubt that. That is up until now. Now Eddie wasn't sure of anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part was slightly inspired by the song Nothing's Forever by Jamestown Story (Hence the title of the chapter) Super sad song with super sad emotions I plan on playing more into in the next chapter stay tuned
> 
> Again as always thanks to my main homie for proofreading <3

Eddie was always an early riser even as a kid. He was normally the first to any plans they had back in the day. Much to the dislike of Stanley when he would show up an hour early every Friday night for the losers weekly movie marathon. He couldn’t help it. Eddie saw sleeping late as a waste of the day. Nowadays, however, it wasn’t a matter of being early to anything or wasting hours in the summer days. Just simply avoiding nightmares. For the first few weeks after everything they were constant every single time he closed his eyes. All he could see..could feel was the pain tearing through him, the sight of Richie caught in the deadlights. Images and feelings he never once wanted to feel again. Eddie went a week without sleep before he started to lose his damned mind. And Richie was there every single time he woke up in a cold sweat, screaming and begging for it to stop. For every moment Eddie simply wanted to give in and follow in Stanley’s footsteps.    
  


_ “I just want to die, Rich.” Eddie sobbed from his curled up position on the bathroom floor, the room still spinning with the nightmare overbearingly fresh in his mind. “I should have died, why didn’t you let me die?” _ _  
_ _ “Well..” Richie began as he slowly pulled Eddie into his lap, cradling the shell of the man he once knew close to his chest as he continued. “Couldn’t leave my best gal behind. Not when they owed me a dance.” Richie smiled triumphantly when he heard Eddie’s soft, tired laugh that escaped him. _ _  
_ _ “You know Chris Evans is my weak spot, how dare you use his woo’ing skills over me. I’m sad. Let me be sad.” _ _  
_ _ “No can do, Eduardo. No can do.” Richie whispered as he placed a gentle kiss to Eddie’s temple. _

  
Richie was there for all the good and the bad, all the baggage and weight Eddie carried Richie always made sure to take on at least a portion of it. While the nightmares were now infrequent Eddie still didn’t risk it by sleeping any longer than he absolutely had to. So, naturally, Eddie was up before Richie the next morning but was more than content to lay awake for a few moments just to watch Richie sleep. There were so many demons and dark thoughts Richie kept locked away in his mind and Eddie knew that. But these were the rare moments where Eddie got to simply see Richie so.. void of any stress. See him without the front he always put up. These few moments were some of Eddie’s favorites. If he could he would stay here forever in Richie’s comforting embrace. It wasn’t until Eddie began to feel the usual pain hit him did he remember moments like this couldnt last forever. The pain a constant reminder of the still healing scars on his chest, a reminder of what had happened. That their life wasn’t simple or normal no matter the illusion they tried to build around them. Eddie groaned softly as he carefully broke out of Richie’s embrace, taking a few moments as he sat up to catch his breath. It always took Eddie a little bit longer to get going in the morning until he had his first few painkillers and at least one cup of coffee, but he always made sure to have one waiting for Richie. Eddie smiled a bit as he started the pot of coffee, grabbing his favorite mug as he went for the numerous pill bottles laid neatly out on the counter. He knew Richie had been working so hard and so many hours but something just..felt wrong in a way. Almost as though a distance had been put between them. It wasn’t apparent at first. Eddie had been so focused on being his best for Richie he never sat back to witness the gap that had grown between them. Sometimes the way Richie looked at him made Eddie feel as though he was doing something wrong, or had said the wrong thing. Richie constantly blamed it on being stressed from work but Eddie knew him better than that. He knew every facial expression and mom joke Richie had to offer. Until now. Now..Richie was unreadable. A side of him Eddie had never encountered and it left him questioning everything. Eddie was suddenly broken out of his train of thought when the coffee machine beeped at him, glancing back at it before moving sluggishly toward it. He stared, confused at the still brewing coffee for a long moment before it clicked in his mind that it was Richie’s phone that had gone off, not the machine. Eddie slowly looked over to the clock above the oven, raising an eyebrow. It was only 7 in the morning. Who the hell would be texting Richie now? The man had no social media and lived practically off the grid and he didn’t have work that day so it wouldn’t be his manager trying to get a hold of him. Something deep down inside of Eddie compelled him to pick the phone up, wondering if perhaps he was crossing a line in that moment as he unlocked the device. “Bill?” He mumbled under his breath as he opened the text. Eddie didn’t know he was in town, why hadn’t Richie told him?

_From: Billy Boy_ _  
_ _6:58am_ _  
_ _‘I’m sorry for what I said. You know I don’t mean it. For a writer I am often shit at words._ _  
_ _Call me when you can, Rich.’_

The text left just more questions for Eddie rather than answers, guilt weighing down on him at the fact he had gone into Richie’s phone. “Christ, Eds. What did you think you would find?” Eddie whispered to himself as he laughed softly, shaking his head. It made sense. Richie had been in a writers block for weeks it only made sense he would reach out to Bill for help. His boyfriend never took criticism well so naturally Bill, being a more serious writer, probably offended Richie with his comments or edits. Still, if that had been the case, Eddie wished he had known Bill was helping him because then he would have invited Bill over so he and Richie could work in their home rather than the stuffy room Richie called an office downtown. Eddie placed Richie’s phone where he had found it before turning back to the coffee that had finally finished brewing. Richie kept insisting on a Keurig but Eddie refused. The things were nasty and filled with bacteria without the proper maintenance. Something Eddie knew Richie wouldn’t take care of.   
  
_ “Richie, No.” _ _  
_ _ “Eds! Babe! Love of my life. Come on. It would be so much easier.” Richie pleaded as he wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist from behind. “If we bought one of those fancy machines you could have your extravagant vanilla macadamia nut shit coffee and I could have my dark roast without brewing a full pot of either!” _ _  
_ _ “Do you even know how dirty those things are, Richie? You would have to clean it like everyday.” Eddie grumbled as he poured, as Richie called it, extravagant coffee into his mug. _ _  
_ _ “And what if I pinky promised I would?” Richie whispered as he kissed the back of Eddie’s neck with a small grin. _ _  
_ _ “When was the last time you cleaned that handheld shower head you insisted on having?” Eddie pointed out only to be met with a long silence from his boyfriend. He smirked knowing he had won the argument, turning around in Richie’s arms to look at him before leaning up to kiss him gently. “Exactly.” He whispered before walking off.  _

It wasn’t often the pair disagreed on anything major. But there were times Eddie grew aggravated with the way Richie lived. Richie dealt with Eddie’s overly obsessive cleaning habits but didn’t help matters when he would come through the door and dirty everything in sight. Eddie thought for a moment as he sat down with his coffee, holding the warm mug close to him. Perhaps that’s why Richie had grown so distant? Maybe Eddie’s habits had driven him away. He had gotten a lot better over the years but his OCD sometimes got the better of him. He knew it stemmed from the control his mother had over him for so many years and then Myra. But it was something Eddie had thought he had a rather strong control over now. Maybe that wasn’t the case. Eddie startled when he heard Richie’s grumbling as he walked into the kitchen, blinking a few times in confusion as he watched his boyfriend pull his usual mug from the cabinet and move to the coffee. Eddie didn’t say anything until Richie had his first sip, knowing words wouldn’t process in Richie’s mind until after. “Morning sleepy head. You’re up early.” Eddie hummed as he sipped at his coffee, watching the confusion wash over Richie’s face as he turned to look at the clock.    
“Aw man, you’re telling me I could have slept for another five hours?” Richie groaned as he took another sip of his coffee, hair sticking up in all directions. Eddie admired him from his seat at the counter, not saying anything for a long moment before looking down at his mug. “So..I didn’t know Bill was in town? Anyone else around? We should throw a little get together.” Eddie mentioned quietly before looking back up to Richie, noticing how he tensed at his words.   
“Oh? Bill is around? I didn’t know that! A get together sounds lovely. It’s been too long since we all were together without a demon clown trying to kill us.” Richie said much too quickly as he leaned against the counter, mug now set down next to him as he watched Eddie carefully. And now it was Eddie’s turn to become tense, heart in his throat as a thousand thoughts flew through his mind. Richie was lying. Why would Richie be lying to him? Sure the man was always very protective and secretive with his work until he claimed it to be perfect but something just..wasn’t adding up. Eddie just stared at Richie almost hoping that he would tell him the truth but that didn’t turn out to be the case.   
“So, you know I do have off today. After your doctor's appointment I was thinking maybe we get lunch or something? Order some takeout and watch shitty day time television.” Richie was quick to change the subject before any further could be spoken of it much to Eddie’s disapproval. Eddie simply shook his head before standing with his mug. “I actually have plans. I need to shower and get ready.” He mumbled as he moved to walk past Richie, letting out a soft breath when he felt Richie’s hand curl around his forearm.    
“Want some company?” Richie hummed as he abandoned his coffee on the counter to move closer to Eddie. Eddie closed his eyes as he ripped his arm out of his boyfriend's grip. “No. I don’t.”

Eddie was never someone that stood in the shower excessively long. It didn’t make sense to him. Get in and get out and go about your day. But right now? He found himself standing under the hot stream, letting the bathroom fog up around him. Richie never lied to Eddie, so why would he start now? It was confusing; he thought things were fine between them, that for once he found someone he wanted to spend the rest of his days with. Eddie leaned his head against the cool tile as a few tears spilled, mixing with the droplets of water running down his face. This distance that had begun to grow became a heavy weight on him, too heavy to handle on his own. Eddie slowly moved from the shower when the water turned cold, something he didn’t even realize could happen. He thought as he wiped down the mirror, staring at the reflection he saw in disgust, carefully tracing the pink scars with his fingertip. Maybe Richie didn’t find him attractive anymore? Eddie knew Richie would never tell him that, wouldn’t have the heart to but in a way that made it hurt all the more. Then again Eddie had a tendency to overthink. Which he assumed was the case here.    
“Hey..Rich? I was thinking..I think a lunch would actually be nice. I’m sorry for being grumpy. I guess, I’m just-” Eddie cut himself off as he walked into the kitchen to no sight of his boyfriend, turning on his heel to walk down the hall toward their bedroom. “Richie?” He called softly but stopped just outside the door when he heard Richie talking to someone.   
  
“I can’t keep this going you and I both know this..couldn’t last forever.”   
  


Eddie stood frozen in his spot, heart racing in his chest as he leaned against the closed door to listen in. A few beats of silence went by until Richie began talking again.    
  
“Don’t say that, you make it sound like I don’t give a shit about you.”

More silence. Eddie felt a little guilty for eavesdropping but he couldn’t bring himself to leave from his position against the door.   
  
“Bill..come on man you know..” Richie hesitated for a moment before letting out a sigh and going on. “I love Eddie. I am in love with him as I always have been. I can’t let..this come between him and I.”    
  
Eddie felt his heart begin to shatter in his chest. All his thoughts he refused to believe, all the excuses he made for Richie blaming the distance on himself or the stress Richie was under suddenly made him feel sick. He slowly backed away from the bedroom door and slowly walked into the kitchen. For the second time that day Eddie let the tears fall. Without really thinking about it he wrote out a quickly scribbled note leaving it on the counter before he grabbed his keys and wallet and walked out of their apartment.    
  
It was a nice day out. The sun was bright and shining down in contrast to the dark, heavy cloud that loomed over Eddie’s mind. He walked toward the small park he and Richie had their first real date at, settling in at one of the benches before pulling his phone out. Eddie had half a mind to call Bill..maybe he would be able to clear the air, give Eddie the answers to the one sided conversation he had just heard but he wasn’t really sure if he was ready just yet for the answers. Not sure if he could handle the truth coming to light. Eddie let out a shaky breath as he brought the phone up to his ear, closing his eyes as a few rings passed.    
  


“Hey, Bev, yeah..yeah I’m..” His voice broke as his walls started crumbling down. New tears filling his eyes and blurring his vision. “Actually..I’m not okay. Is..there anyway I can come stay with you and Ben for a bit?”   
  
“Oh sweetie..you know any of our homes are always open to you. Are you and Richie okay?” 

  
Eddie wiped at his eyes as a small smile crept onto his face. He always loved talking to Beverly, her voice reassuring and comforting, something he hadn’t gotten from Richie in weeks. “I’m not really sure.” He spoke softly as he stared down at the ground. “I think I might be overthinking things but I just..I don’t know, Bev. Just need someone to talk to about it all and make myself see how crazy I’m acting. I can grab a train or drive to you guys, are you still outside the city?”   
  
“First off you aren’t crazy, Eddie. I am sure whatever is going on we can work through together. Richie can be an idiot. We all know that. I am sure it’s not bad. I’ll make the guest room up for you, just let me know when you get close, okay?”   
  
Eddie was forever thankful for his friends, the cloud over him slowly beginning to drift away as he let out another breath. “Yeah..yeah I will. Thanks, Bev. I’ll see you in a few hours.” He whispered before hanging up. The sun was shining down and Eddie began to feel the warmth. Richie was an idiot. It couldn’t be what he was thinking. It couldn’t be.


End file.
